The AlienBeing Organization intends to define high functioning autism and to describe how to live with the condition.
This site went online on March 1, 2007.
Obviously, it needed updating, and the strategy to approach a problem is to define it and then answer the question with the best solution. Some people might call it knowing yourself.
The goal is to do the best action given the situation. I know I cannot compete with people who totally apply themselves against me when I know I just cannot keep up with them. Of course, I try to find areas having less competition.
I am 60 years old, and graduated from college and am a Certified Public Accountant.
Autism is a unique condition for each individual, so all I will describe how I am an alien being compared to others.
Twice, at age 2 and age 34
Age 2 – would not talk, temporary deafness, did not like being held
My parents assumed that I would grow out of it, which was partially true
The second diagnosis came after being fired from two jobs in the same year
I asked my parents about the first five years of my life and after talking to some people and reading some books, the best being Bruce Pennington’s Diagnosing Learning Disorders
I was a survivor living the life of a lie in school doing schoolwork, but I could not get by dealing with the social requirements of pre-management work
My diagnosis was in 1996. With Covid and change since then, we have to deal with currently available resources
- Must be willing to listen to and accept criticism
Can be a victim of a difficult boss and a bad situation
The autistic person is vulnerable about not seeing considerations in a situation
Fired due to an “interpersonal skills problem” and a “bad fit”
In my 30’s, I had to research why and I really did not know the whole story
I thought I was competitive, found out that in some skills I am at the bottom, not the top and cannot easily improve
I thought the most positive approach is to consider myself an alien being and work around the negatives
- Childhood diagnosis at age 2
Delays in speech as a child, eventually speaking in a monotone
The situation was way more difficult than previously understood
Considered emotionally disturbed
Had to have speech therapy
Also, something called “play therapy” because my play habits were “bizarre” and I was kept away from others in a group setting
Obtained medical records from providers using a written, notarized request
Took an adult education course, learning that some words are spoken more loudly than others, such as FRONT door.
At my age, autism worked for me in school as most tests were about a recall of trivia
I can concentrate on one subject well, so I took advantage of tests
This might be changing now as the SAT college entrance exam is being de-emphasized
I admit I bit my fingernails and had to shake in my seat to get through school classes
Had to take notes and take more time to learn in my classes, leaving me less time for other activities
Do work over time, do not wait until the last minute because after a certain amount of time I lose my concentration so it is better to stop and go back later
Some activities like riding a bike I had to do alone because I was too slow
Was among the last people to be selected to a team in gym class
- Job choice limited to behind the computer and not management
Do what you like to do
Do work over time and give yourself time to check you work for errors and research options
Need a boss who is less trained at noticing details about you
Job interviews won were often those where the interviewer did all of the talking and once I was forced to talk too much the interview broke down for me
E-mail was a helpful invention because I could write my communications instead of talking and relating
Some people are willing to help you and be mentors
- Communicating at Work with Bosses
Urge to speak the truth, communicate what seems obvious
Sometimes the truth can upset people, hurting others feelings, being awkward
Very hard for the autistic to absorb all factors in a situation
Meetings are hard because people see the overwhelmed look of listening plus hearing monotone speech
Safer bet are highly skilled careers while working autonomously
I have not ever tried to get a job based on disability
I am older now, near retirement having other responsibilities
Now, I work part-time.
Getting marketable skills is more important than the disability for higher-functioning autism
Addressing selected symptoms of autism
- Cannot absorb a lot of information at once.
Take notes, write things down
Try to limit interactions, take breaks if possible
Practice being touched
Was better over time
Pets are helpful, comfort dogs (pets owned by others, I have not had pets)
- Learning by imitation and osmosis limited
About the monotone above, had to approach talking as though my early childhood did not exist
Practice with available people – avoid possible regression if alone too much
- Cannot laugh at a joke, or smile at appropriate times
This one may be tough because I would have to be able to learn the story and respond to it at the pace of others. One of the most difficult ones to disguise my autism
I do not have the flexible face muscles that others have who frequently smile
Amazing to see the differences in people in their ability to react and process information
- Difficulty in absorbing information, asking the follow-up question
Anticipate the meeting, prepare the follow-up questions
Know that asking the question is method to resolve a problem, such as bullying or mean comments made to you
Asking a pointed question is better than asking someone to stop doing something/
- Limited eye contact, blank looks, awkwardly staring at people, how to have contact with your eyes to the other person’s eyes
I actually remember the first time I heard “eye contact” was doing a 7th grade class presentation, seemed like weird term to me back then
I was told I was looking up at the ceiling when talking
May have been nerves, but tricky to learn to look in others eyes without staring
Try to stop talking, let others talk but then you have to listen and you get bored
- Can be teased and bullied, unable to think of a response
Again, somehow ask a question is key step, and not sure what is happening
Not sure if asking “Would getting into a fight with me would help your (the bully’s) situation?
Vulnerable to emotional breakdown or meltdown, controlling anger is a challenge
My favorite childhood anger acts today are stamping my foot and falling to the ground
- Tune out or daydream when listening to a show or conversation
Obviously, can you become aware when you start daydreaming?
Then you can take a break
Not sure how to get through a long Broadway show
- Sleep is important – no need to be tired
Also drink water, not diet soda to avoid dehydration and using the restroom
Healthy diet of foods easy to digest, not fast food or salty restaurant food
- Like facts like the weather, trivia, sports statistics, maps, space missions
A common characteristic of high-functioning autistic people is to like hard facts rather than fictional stories. I tuned out when I was read children’s books when young but I could look at picture books, at least I liked some art
- Unaware of others feelings and what is happening around you
For me, something had to give when navigating around the world
I think learning this requires time with others to explain situations
Somehow, the autistic person has to know their impact on others
- Unaware of opportunities to help and be kind to others
The challenge for me is that if I cannot take care of myself, how can I worry about others
Kindness is taking away time and effort to help others
For me and my situation, working alone on this site and having available on the web for many to read is preferable to time-consuming one-on-one situations where I do not have formal training
- Unaware of opportunities to help and be kind to others
The challenge for me is that if I cannot take care of myself, how can I worry about others
Kindness is taking away time and effort to help others
For me and my situation, working alone on this site and having available on the web for many to read is preferable to time-consuming one-on-one situations where I do not have formal training
- Santa Claus – Lessons of Christmas Giving and Receiving
Wanted to believe that I ask Santa and the gifts come
Christmas is a grind for everyone once the truth is out
It takes dedicated effort to buy gifts, for the autistic, thinking of others’ needs
I did not have children but bought gifts for sibling’s kids
Reward is seeing the reaction when the gifts are exchanged
Christmas is tough with the darkness but that season has its memorable moments
- Body coordination cut off at the waist, good upper-body, awkward leg movements, could not dance
Golf and ping pong were sports that I was OK in because I could get by with “all-arm” swings
I enjoy listening to music even though dancing a move such as Electric Slide was impossible
Music is a good way of reaching the autistic person but I realized that I listened to a part of the song and later on only found out what the song was about in older age
I found out that among a group people with Asperger’s Syndrome and autism, I had the most trouble interacting in that group
Eat slowly, try to listen, try to leave the table for a break, it is tough
Your weaknesses must balance the weaknesses of the mate
Not going to be able to marry a perfect person
I never was married and did not have children
Make sure that you and your partner address all health issues
All relationships have a balance of health, money and religion
Challenge for someone autistic because it is hard to entertain others with your smile and body language
Vulnerable to giving speeches without an exchange in a conversation
Having to do costly volunteer work or kind help to make up for other weaknesses while others get by with that smile
Infant babies do nothing but satisfy with their smiles, facial expressions, movements, and growth
Human interaction requires the skill of figuring out if people are telling the truth or lying
Is lying withholding information?
I do not like being lied to.
Reliable actions at certain times creates positive discipline but creates discomfort with change
The remainder of the document was written a while back but it was a response to advice for success.
For now, the approach to discussing solutions is based on the summary of 10 methods to improve interpersonal skills presented by Allbusiness.com - the link has expired but I want to explain their steps.
- “Smile”. A smile requires the brain to process the situation in order to react. Cliques and friendships form based on a commonality of the group’s ability to process the information. As previously described, there is great variation on the individual’s ability to grasp and react at situations, measured in microseconds and hard to describe the concept of quickness on feet.
- Solutions to smile problem: discouraged if you are slower than others. That is your neurology so find the group or situation where you fit in. The quickness issue will be a legitimate reason.
- No drugs. I have no faith in the medical profession to take a drug to improve quickness. That is not the subject of this report.
- Body condition. If you can straighten your teeth, do it but that too is based on your jaw and looks. Take care of your teeth.
- Have overall good feeling based on peace of mind that you are operating at your best.
- Hard, but observe situation, search for humor. This is a challenge when socializing is hard work requiring will power but it could be a concept to experiment with.
Laughter is a spontaneous action. Each person can laugh at the capacity of processing the impulse. Laughing is a powerful form of communication, saying a lot but not in words. Laughing cannot really be faked. Laughing and smiling are skills that money cannot easily buy as I have observed self-help classes whose dominating participants were the same, quick, responsive people.
2. “Be appreciative”. Today, I am appreciative of the people who made the effort to befriend me. Also, those that I consulted with or had as professors whose efforts helped me. Being appreciative requires one to absorb that is going around the situation, and an autistic person who may block out key stimuli to keep under control may just not be able to be as appreciative as expected.
- “Pay attention to others”. It is recognizing what they are doing and trying to absorb what is going on. Do the best you can without yawning or wanting to bite your nails, or just the lost look of tuning out and thinking about something else. An example is participating in a business meeting, and listening to a conversation involving say four people. How do you choose the stimuli to absorb, tune out what is unimportant, without looking strained and knowing you just cannot take in as much as the others. I violated this command by blocking the world out and concentrating on the task at hand.
- “Practice active listening”. For me, this is easier in the one-on-one situation than the group. Handling this requires time management, shorter meetings, controlling what you say (talking does not require the same energy as absorbing information), letting people finish what they are saying without cutting them off. No question listening is hard for the autistic person, but some of my job search highlights came by somehow listening. I remember getting two jobs by having the interviewer do all the talking and I just said nothing. When I had to do a lot of talking, I never got the job.
- “Bring people together”. This one requires understanding the concept of fairness, evaluating a situation from afar, equal treatment for everyone. For me, the allbusiness.com blurb is fine.
- “Resolve conflicts”. Allbusiness.com stresses getting the two parties in conflict together and you mediating it. Somehow find out as much information as possible about the situation. The autistic person would typically have less experience at resolving conflicts.
- “Communicate clearly”. Allbusiness.com talks about what you say and how you say, avoid blurting out anything that comes to mind. What happens if you get overwhelmed and the information just comes out or you just can’t listen and need to tune everything out? You can benefit by taking adult education courses for practicing communication, but your potential is limited by your brain wiring. Volunteer work is also a means of using your skills but there is a time cost. If I meet people as a result of this site, communicating with them will be good practice. Listed below are other ideas that can be used to improve communication skills.
- Emphasis words. Monotone voice can be avoided by understanding that each syllable of a word has a different pitch or accent, and word combinations also have different tones. Saying “front door”, front is emphasized over door. Most people learn this by osmosis as a child but I did not learn this until age 35.
- Use of body. Sitting up straight gets the sound clearer in the chest. Actors do tongue and other mouth-related stretches. The mouth exercises help to minimize jerking of the head while talking.
- Pronounce consonants. Pronounce the letters of each word to avoid monotone, speak slowly if necessary. Some people are gifted and can talk fast but talk as fast as you can without mumbling.
- Eye Contact. Looking at people is a skill, not staring, but not appearing to wander the eyes. When I was younger, I used to not have any eye contact, using my effort just to talk, not worrying about the consequences of how I appeared to others. Perhaps just hearing and processing what is said and communicating to the other person was so difficult for me that eye contact was a luxury. I do feel this problem can be improved with practice, although it is work and takes patience. I cannot refer to this source at this time about eye contact, but from my perspective, you have to get feedback from others and somehow look briefly at the subject without too much staring, almost being absentminded.
- Identity in the situation. Initiation of a conversation is based on your qualifications for the conversation. For example, if you are identified as an accountant looking for audit backup, you can direct your communication based on the qualifications of the other party. You may be able to request communication by e-mail rather than talking. You have to investigate the contact as much as possible; first on the Internet and then if you have other resources.
- “Humor them”. Humor is tricky in that you do not want to say something that backfires. You can use the Allbusiness.com advice, but humor can be quite spontaneous and hard to plan in advance.
- “See it from their side”. Allbusiness.com is succinct here but do you have the luxury of doing this? For me, it is obvious except if you just cannot absorb the information during the situation, you are in over your head and have to block the world out.
“Don’t complain”. Again, only if you are self-aware can you be clear about whether the situation is fair or not. Sure complaining is bad, but you may have to take the hit of making a whine if you do not know any better. The more one knows about a situation, the less likely the person is to complain
You have to know yourself, know how your brain is wired, the ability and capacity to process information, and work with that. I am not qualified to recommend medication and I have fears about side effects. Thus, I just worked hard, played to my strengths, believing in will power, and set the weaknesses aside. Knowing oneself is crucial in managing money or time and effort in self-improvement, and one’s potential is determined by one’s neurological condition. I am welcome to learning about brain research, but it is beyond the scope of this site. A consolation is you don't know what you are missing except only by seeing what others do that you cannot do such as more frequent laughter.
Now that I learned of my condition, I had to carefully monitor my participation in social events, knowing when to be in the group and when it was time to take a break.
My experience tells me that communications courses will not help my neurological make-up, although practice cannot hurt around the edges, and you know yourself better compared to others. Thus, my approach is to say, OK, I am what I am and that cannot be changed substantially. Thus, I work around the problem.